The topic for this post came to me yesterday, as I realized I was working really hard to connect with some people I'd recently met. It seemed like I was the one making most of the effort, which, initially, wasn't really a problem. But when it started to feel imbalanced and confusing, I realized that I needed to take a step back and re-evaluate what was going on.

The idea of "go where you're wanted" is an important one in business- and in life- because we can spend tremendous amounts of energy trying to connect with people, make relationships with them, and fit in with them- when they (for whatever reason) have no interest in being connected to us.

You see this to some degree in social media, perhaps when you want to "friend" someone, and they take a long time before accepting your request- if they even do. Unfortunately, social media makes it pretty easy to ignore or reject people, and so you can be left wondering if they haven't yet gotten the request, or if they've decided to ignore it. The uncertainty of this can be uncomfortable, especially because nobody wants to be a pest, but we have all been told that we shouldn't be afraid to follow up either.

This uncertainty and discomfort also shows up in your real life business relationships, and business friendships, too. There comes a time where, for whatever reason, people may not be as responsive to you as before- you reach out in email, and get no response. Maybe you take one more step and make a phone call, but never get a call back. You don't know why things are different- you just know that they are. This can kick off a cycle of worry and stress. You might try harder to connect, only to be continually rebuffed.

In psychology, there is this concept of the extinction response- and that applies here. When you have been reinforced for a behavior (let's say you call someone and they always take your call), when they stop taking your call, you actually will want to call them more- to try harder to recapture what you previously had. (This, of course, plays out in personal relationships too.) Anyway, with the extinction response, there tends to be an increase in the behavior in a rapid spike- and then the behavior dies off. In the clearest sense, behavior which is no longer reinforced will eventually stop.

That's the good news.

The bad news is that it is often painful to realize that a relationship has changed, especially if this happened without warning or conversation. You're left, in a sense, to "figure it out on your own"- and that deduction can be a long time coming.

In my case, I have learned to step back and re-evaluate whenever I get this particular feeling that I'm trying to hard to make something happen. Since my tendency is to work hard for what I want, I know that this sometimes means I work too hard in relationships too.

When I take that space, it allows me to get a little bit more clarity and to stop feeling confused. That's the first step to making a better choice going forward. This idea of going where you're wanted doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to connect with people or make an extra effort. It just means that you realize when your extra efforts don't seem to be doing any good, and you stop doing more when you need to be doing less.

Personally, my approach is to give people two tries. I will make two concerted efforts in a short period of time, and if I get no response, or an unsatisfactory response, I let it go.

Remember, the time you spend trying to connect with people who don't want to be around you can be much better- and more satisfactorily- spent by connecting with those who do.

I was coaching a small business owner the other day in the area of online marketing. We were talking about creating systems for being efficient at all the stages of marketing her business online, including creating strong offers, building her email database, writing articles, blogging, and effective content syndication.

As we continued to discuss all the elements she would need to put in place, she got somewhat overwhelmed. She asked me, "Rachna- how can I possibly do all these things when I'm already so busy?"

And I laughed, but then asked, "But are you busy accomplishing the most important things?"

And there was silence.

It is good practice to periodically assess where, as a business owner, you are spending your time, and to ascertain if you are accomplishing the most important things each day to reach your business goals.

The first step, of course, is to define your business goals. And the more numerical the better- because in simple mathematics, numbers don't lie.

If you have a goal to make $X in the month, or to gain Y readers to your blog, or to increase your search engine ranking by two pages- all of these are measureable. But not all of them are equally important at the same time.

All business owners need to focus, first, on ways to build cash flow. This means that products and service offerings need to be the first focus. How can you continually assist and serve more and more of your clients? How can you do this without working harder than you already are?

Once you have a stable source of monthly revenue, then you may have some leeway to focus on goals related to building your platform or increasing your influence. But these should only happen after your basic financial needs are addressed.

Most people get this backwards- they worry about being known before they focus on being profitable.

But to build a strong business, you need to focus on profitability, first, and what it takes to stay and remain so. That's the first most important thing.

All the rest can come later.

So, as we head into the beginning of another new year, take a few minutes and ascertain, what are your most important business goals right now? And then examine if your actions are supporting them.

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A Note from Rachna:

One of my business goals for 2010 is to work more directly with small business owners and solo-pros who want to get more clients from the internet. I'll teach you how to craft the right marketing message, find your blogging "voice", and use all the tools and technology to build your presence and your reach on the internet. You'll learn how to create content that gets attention, build your email list, and build your status as an expert. I'm still defining the whats, and hows, but if this sounds like something you'd be interested in, you can get a bit more information by joining the email list using the form below. Please remember to confirm your subscription so I have permission to email you back with the preliminary details:

I know the concept of pruning is probably more appropriate to Spring than Fall (as we have entered the Fall season here in Maryland), but I've been considering this idea of pruning back for a few weeks now and wanted to share the idea with you.

If you, like me, have been in business for any length of time, you probably have begun numerous projects, added numerous offerings, and, perhaps, have a lot of ideas and half-completed ventures which are taking up space.

This has become clearer to me in my own business, and in those of my clients, as we examine where they need to focus and what they need to let go of.

If you are a creative, self motivated, and driven business owner, you probably have at least ten or twenty ideas or strategies which you began implementing, but never actually followed through on. For my clients, this process shows up as multiple domain names which have never been used, incomplete sales pages for products, and a lot of busy work which isn't directly tied to profitability.

If you're experiencing any of these issues in your own business, it may be time to prune back. Periodically, it's a good idea to step back from your business and evaluate where you are and where you want to go. It may be time to reduce the noise, either by reducing your number of projects, or it may be time to focus more concertedly in a particular area.

Whatever your business needs, it will grow healthier if you gently cut back the extra offshoots to strengthen the whole.

As you may know, I've been very focused on launching a new arm of my business- one focused on social media marketing.

I've been lucky enough to work with some top level clients (who have been keeping me very busy), and the results they have been getting have been just wonderful- including better search engine rank, more recognition, and greater opportunities.

I've been taking steps to promote myself more fully (as I continually recommend for each of you), and one way I'm doing this is through webinars.

My next webinar, "The Future of Social Media And How to Profit From It" is set for October 1, 2009.

I'd like to invite you to attend, and offer you a 20% off coupon you can use as well. You'll not only get 90 minutes of cutting-edge, immediately usable content, you'll also get a copy of my brand new ebook: Branding Yourself in Social Media, plus some fantastic additional content and bonuses from my co-host for the webinar, Denise Wakeman.

If you'd like to join me for the future of social media, please register here, and use the code SM20 at checkout to save 20% on the registration price.

I look forward to seeing you there!